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I am nothing more than a simple, content human being. I wanted to walk the straight path but life is not that way. I made choices in life, good ones, bad ones and some just riding the tide. There are times that I look back at those choices and think.. I could’ve, I should’ve, but I didn’t.
I broke my arm in a skateboarding accident when I was 15. My parents never wanted me to get into that sport. “It’s not right for a girl!” is what they told me. I could’ve listened to them, but I didn’t. I chose to pursue the sport and hone my skill. Did I regret breaking my arm? I didn’t. It taught me to heed my parents’ advice.
I married a man whom I thought I was going to be a responsible husband. I could’ve seen through his sugar-laden words. He refused to work, had no spine and favored being with friends than spending time with family. I should’ve left the relationship early on, but I didn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t have had my three beautiful, loving children. I gained my freedom after sixteen long years.
I quit Medical school in my junior year. I could’ve been rich by now. Did I regret it? I didn’t. I learned to love the meager life I have. A roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table. I have a job that I enjoy doing. I have seen my daughter graduate from college and soon, my two younger sons will be done with college too.
I could’ve kept my first job with the government, but I didn’t. I chose to leave my children with my mother so that I could work in a foreign land. It was the toughest two years of my life. I was terribly homesick. I spent my Christmases, birthdays and Mother’s days alone, hunched in a corner and crying. Many times I thought, “I should’ve just stayed with my children,” however, the financial burden of sending my kids through school kept me focused. “It’s just two years. I can do this.” I could’ve quit, but I didn’t. With lots of prayers, I finished my two year work contract, saved enough money, flew home and never left my children again.
I should’ve resigned my fate to growing old alone, but I didn’t. I fell in love again with a caring, responsible man and this time I am sure, I will have someone I can grow old with. I look forward to the many years of blissful togetherness, of having our very own “his” and “hers” walking canes, and lots and lots of grandchildren.
Soon, I will be celebrating the golden anniversary of my birth. I may not have accomplished as much as my siblings did, but I am genuinely happy. I look to the sunrise with much awe. I am thankful for the sunset. Dewdrops on wildflowers, a child’s laughter, and light rain on my face are enough to make me smile.
God has been good to me. He gave me trials and yet held my hand to guide me to the right path. I do have needs and wants, and I am still struggling to make ends meet, however, all these are just temporary and may be resolved by hard work and patience.
Happiness is family. Fulfillment is seeing my children achieve their dreams. Success is reaping the benefits of the good deeds I have done as I go on this journey.
Should I have made different choices in life?
I could’ve, should’ve, and I am happy that I didn’t.
The post I Could’ve, I Should’ve but I Didn’t appeared first on Heart and Soul Ezine.
