Transition: Self Care Essentials

My life has been in major transition through several phases since last year.

14 months ago, my husband, John, passed away after a prolonged illness. I was devastated.

I was in a state of dis-ase on all levels; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I was depleted.

Even as a holistic nurse who knows what to do for self care, and as someone who has learned how to create support, I simply was not able to maintain enough of either of these essentials while my husband was ill and I was working full time and caring for his needs.

The first 6 months after his death was a time of intense recovery. I did not return to work during this time. I was in no shape to care for others. I was the one in need of care.

Counter to the advice I received from others on where and how to invest John’s life insurance benefit, I followed my heart and instead chose to invest in myself, my health and the recreation of my life.

Necessary Changes

With the arrival of the new year, in better health all around, and after much reflection and non-stop confirmation from the Universe, I made the decision to change from full time capacity work as a hospital nurse to ‘per diem’ or as needed status. I acknowledged it was time to ‘leap fearlessly’ and move forward with my dream of starting a Holistic Health,  Wellness and Advocacy business and began taking steps in that direction. I also decided to create my own website and start to blog.

I continued to use John’s life insurance benefit to pay bills and living expenses, and worked occasionally at the hospital as I turned my attention to  recreating my life.

In February, life detoured me from my goals when I spent 6 weeks in the midst of a harsh winter in Missouri, caring for my mother.

I found myself again caring for someone and had less time to meet my self care needs. The time period was shorter than that of caring for my husband and I put into place many lessons I learned from that experience. My health was again impacted but not as severely.

I returned to Florida, allowed myself time for renewal,  and continued moving forward with my plans.

Investing in Myself: Trusting

I was, and continue to be, in a place of trust in my decision to invest in myself, my dreams and my future…to create the best life possible for myself and be of service to others as well.

A few months later, I again found myself traveling to Missouri, this time to assist  my mother through surgery then a big transition with the selling of her house and a move to my sister’s home in another state.

Recreating Two Lives

The plan was for Mom to live with my sister until November or December then stay with me until spring. She would travel back and forth twice a year.

I returned to Florida in July and spent the next 3 months laying additional groundwork for my business venture and coordinating work being done on my home to construct additional living space for my mom.

Due to a change in circumstances for my sister, the date for mom’s travel to my home was moved up  to October.

My business building efforts were put on the back burner.

Another sister drove Mom to my house and stayed with us for 3 weeks to help with the transition.

The addition was not quite ready. I let go of the need for all to be ‘perfect’ for their arrival.

All went well and I was extremely grateful to have my sister with us. She was a tremendous support.

My life became primarily focused around adjusting to my new life…again in a transition. I was challenged to modify my vision of my best life possible as well as assisting my mother in the creation of HER best life possible.

Depression Hits: Perspectives on Why

A week after my sister left, I noticed I was getting depressed.
I said to myself, ‘Now why would you suddenly be feeling depressed?’

Tapping into inner and outer resources, I came to the realization that there were multiple reasons for the onset of the depression.

I reviewed my journal and saw that I had been writing that I ‘truly do not want to go the hospital to work. I want to work in ‘healthcare’, not ‘disease care’, but I need income. ‘I want to write, do energy work for others and be a guide to aid in multi-dimensional health and well-being while caring for myself as well.’

I realized the following had led to my depressed state:

1. I had not been to the gym to work out in 2 weeks.
2. I hadn’t been taking walks or getting my hands in the dirt in my garden.
3. I attended Zumba class only once in 2 weeks.
4. I hadn’t meditated in a week.
5. The weather had become cold, damp, windy and overcast.
6. I had accepted a part time job in mainstream medicine.
7. My sister, who had driven my mom 1000 miles to my house and stayed 3 weeks to help with the transition, had left a week earlier.
8. My life had drastically changed, again.
9. I was in another big transition.

Essentially my body, mind, heart and spirit were out of balance..

Restoring Balance

Along with less immersion in my self-care and healing practices, it was likely I was breathing shallowly and even holding my breath at times, and in essence, I was lessening my connection to the Life force and compromising my energy field. I had not sufficiently shifted my diet from summer to fall food and beverage.

I realized I was holding in emotions and needed to reach out to my support system and express my feelings. I reviewed my journal, with particular attention to the dreams I had been having and saw what I had been suppressing as well as what my heart and soul were desiring.

With the help of 3 friends I identified the reasons listed above as sources of the depression.

I believe #6 was what put me over the edge.

My heart and soul were telling me I cannot accept a part time position. The part time requirement is 30 hours!

I spent all these months in transition, through challenges and change, laying the groundwork for my business…if I committed to 30 hours a week, something would have to go…and it couldn’t  be assisting mom or my self-care, so it would end up cutting into my business and my writing! I am not willing to have that happen! Yes, I need income, yet I choose to keep trusting.

The next day I told the supervisor at the new job that I was not interested in part time, but in per diem work, as I had originally applied for, and took the risk that I would be told they were unable to offer me a per diem position.

I let go of the outcome.

I met with my supervisor the following day. She told me the corporate office agreed to change my position to per diem.

In order for me to live my best life possible, I must prioritize self care and listen to, then follow the wisdom of my heart and soul.

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